In one week, I reenter the diagnostic rigmarole.

I expect that the answers will be another round of nothing, of unsatisfying negative tests (again, again, again), at best pointing out hypermobility and “go see our physical therapist. they’re better. they’re special. others won’t do." (Because if I’ve seen others before and they didn’t fix the problem, it’s my fault, probably. If they worked but I suspect it’s just exercise helping in general, that’s my fault.)

Fatigue is…fatigue is less important? less real? more all in my head? what even are these feelings. where did they come from. i did not approve this.

I worry that it will be a new round of blood tests and shrugs and nothing
but also, i worry that what comes next is An Actual Autoimmune diagnosis and it’s time to move on to the scary and expensive drugs in order to prevent actual damage.

what’s the answer i’m hoping for here? what’s the response? why am I doing this?