I don’t have any tattoos.
For a long time, I’ve wanted one of a jellyfish. gorgeous shading, some white ink work and pastel highlights, on my left thigh with tentacles flowing down the leg. I was originally inspired by Haeckel’s gorgeous illustrations and others of that era, but when I found out about his connection to eugenics my thoughts on inking his work on my body changed. Still, it might happen someday, and there are equally skilled and less problematic biological illustrators whose work could be adapted to body art.
When I read Bitch Planet, I knew I needed a non-compliant tattoo. Not solid black, either outline or patterned or in a color, somewhere on my body. The stories speak to something in my core, something about being different, wrong, incorrect-for-society, correct-for-me.
And now, as of this June, Pride month of 2018, I know I need a tattoo in hebrew. I know there’s a variety of responses people have to hebrew tattoos, most of them disparaging, but I know I need this like I know I need the noncompliant symbol, and I want this like I want the jellyfish.
One word: b’tzelem. We were each of us made in G-d’s image, btzelem elokim. People who don’t quite feel at home in their bodies often speak of how their tattoos make their bodies feel their own; how they feel at home in their bodies again.
I am trans. I am nonbinary. I am still working out what, for me, transition means; but one component is that things that make me feel more comfortable and whole, more as myself, bring me closer—not farther—from being in G’d’s image.
As transition brings our inner and outer selves closer together, we come to a nearer approximation of G-d’s image. As we use art to reclaim our bodies, we take a step closer, not farther. As we choose how to change our meat suits, our external selves, to fit in some but not other times, in some ways but not others, to fit the parts of ourselves we can and only compromise where we have to, to have control over whether and when to have a break between self-image and external perception—each of these struggles and decisions can be viewed through the lens of g-dly image.
I need a b’tzelem tattoo mirroring my noncompliant tattoo. One for the tradition I was born into, and one for the world I am forced to fit in; one to remind me where I am headed and another to remind me about my bullheaded roots. I am made in G’d’s image and I am non-compliant.